Date:  Fri, 05 Jan 2007 08:13:15 -0800 
   From:   "CAMBER BYBEE" <cbybee1@verizon.net> 

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic  
hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter. 

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and
the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the  catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 

1. Liberals; and 
2. Conservatives. 

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of  agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.   Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement. 

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.  Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girliemen. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided. 

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most  powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. 

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well  done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher  testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury  attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are  liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to
make the pitcher also bat. 

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women.  Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,  lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works  productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives  who want to work for a living. 

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and  decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in  Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the
Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.