| E-RFD: New Elementary Particle Discovered
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of
the
heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named
"Governmentium." Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25
assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy
neutrons, giving it an
atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by force particles called morons,
which are surrounded by vast quantities of orbiting peons. Since Governmentium
has no electrons, it is inert.. However, it can be detected, because it
impedes every reaction within its field range, which like gravity
is unlimited but whose intensity reduces by the square of the distance
from the original source. A minute amount of Governmentium located within
one football field of length away causes a single event to take over four
days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay,
but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the
assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact,
Governmentium's
mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will
cause
more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe
that Governmentium is formed whenever morons in a given location reach
a certain concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to
as Critical Morass.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium
-- an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since
it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
| Note: E-RFDs are messages that circulate around the
internet. Some are factual and some are mythical. We make no
distinction between the types, here, but rather offer them pretty much
as they come in -- as examples of comment and rumor from a global mind. |
OMED: Thanks to ras for the reminder. This one is a classic.
© 2005 Oregon Magazine |