Sunday, September 14, 2003, on FOX Sunday – He said that when he becomes president, he will talk to France.  After the recent speech by the French Prime Minister  at the United Nations, I am amazed that George Bush talked to France.  But, Bush is famous for being courteous to people who don't deserve courtesy. 

Let us quickly turn to North Korea, which is both philosophically and politically quite similar to France.  Little Dicky Gephardt said that President Bush screwed up that situation by criticizing the North Koreans for breaking The Treaty.  This, Gephardt said, is why the North Koreans broke the treaty.

No, you are not suffering a time warp.  Yes, that was said by a candidate for president.

We'll set aside the fact that the Bush approach to North Korea is working beautifully. (China just let them know where they stand, which is alone. Two sets of Korean War American remains have suddenly been found and are being returned.  It is a conciliatory gesture.  Those things have meaning in Asian cultures.)  Our immediate premise here is that Little Dicky Gephardt, obviously, has advanced Alzheimers.  His alleged mind, assuming he had one to begin with, is gone.  Here is why.  You cannot cause a thing to happen after it has already happened.  In other words, if you say something that hurts the feelings of a butchering dictator, and which causes him to go do something really awful, for you to be the cause of what he does, you have to say it before he does it.

This is called “cause and effect.”  It is a fundamental law of physics which is related to what is known as the "arrow of time," a function of the Second Law of Thermodynamics..  While people can break any law made by people, nobody can break a law of physics.  (If they can, it isn't really a law of physics.) Get on a rocket without a spacesuit and when you get into space, open the door and take a deep breath.  I can predict from the lovely autumn hills of Oregon what will happen.  This is because I know the laws of physics.

Liberals, like all small children, do not recognize the laws of physics.  They are all devotees of Jiminy Cricket science. Cause and effect, to them, can when necessary to the promotion of their plans and desires, become effect and cause.

A candidate for president!

Bill Clinton made that treaty with the People’s Democratic Socialist Republic of North Korea.  The reason why George Bush (the president Gephardt is blaming) cannot be charged with causing North Korea to violate the terms of that treaty?  George Bush wasn’t the president when the treaty was agreed upon and signed.  Bill Clinton was.  And George Bush wasn't the president when North Korea decided to ignore the terms of that treaty and began the process of violating it. 

The only thing George Bush is responsible for is being the president when the world suddenly noticed what North Korea had done and was doing.  It's just like the Enron debacle.  The company was formed in the 90's, abetted by the Clinton Administration for years, then hit the bricks after Bush was elected.  Who was president when it was created?  Which president's legal eagles nailed it?  But, who was blamed for it?

Dick Gephardt has everything upside down.  This is because he reads and believes the New York Times. So do the other nine or ten dwarves, Happy, Sneezy, Dopey, Grumpy (Dean, in case you don’t get satire), Latisha, Ahmed, General Pickett (the world’s first miniature military maven), Maurine, Cliff Claven (the only dwarf in history with two names) and Scary (Hillary, who may not actually be in the race, but who will be in charge after the coup).

Did anybody catch Bill Clinton speaking before that bunch early in September?  The very Bill Clinton who made the treaty that North Korea violated!  He said that the difference between Democrats and Republicans is that Democrats see the world as it is and recognize when they make a mistake, and with delight learn and leap forward to correct that mistake.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

We now know who Clinton is.  The world’s first human clone.  He was created in the medical clinic run by Joseph Mengeles, from an egg donated by Tokyo Rose and dna donated by Joseph Goebbles.

You have to wonder what a genetic trace would discover about Little Dickie Gephardt’s ancestry.  I’m thinking there's a Disney back there, someplace.

(LL)

© 2003 Oregon Magazine