The governor of Oregon (for those who have forgotten) is Ted Kulongoski.  You know him better from his television days as the Jolly Green Giant.  This morning (December 23, 2004) "journalists" reported that a plan from a citizen group, which to KOIN TV apparently doesn’t have a name, or any description concerning the membership, is now on the governor’s desk.  It proposes a 10% reduction in greenhouse gasses over some period of time.  The "news" team didn’t mention that, if they knew what it is. The new, liberal Oregon legislature will work with the governor, who will be promulgating regulatory edicts, to save the Earth.

Is second hand smoke killing the Earth?

The first thing you need to know is that there is no valid science supporting the premise of man-caused global warming.  Once, years ago, 1,500 scientists signed a document claming that there was such evidence.  This document was published in the New York Times, which in recent years has lost all credibility as an information source due to scandals at the home office and in the paper’s hinterlands.  Made up stories are the reason.  Fiction presented as news.  These aren’t charges.  They are proven incidents, admitted by the paper.

Since there is no reason to believe anything that appears in the New York Times without double-checking the accuracy of the story, we must see if that view is the the only view on the subject, as all liberals believe. 

Fifteen hundred world scientists signed the global warming document. Fifteen thousand world scientists signed a subsequent document which debunked the first one.  Ten times as many scientists said the fifteen hundred scientists in the New York Times were full of crap.

Now, the next thing you should know is that the long term climate is most certainly changing, possibly for the warmer.  The long term climate of the world is always changing  in one of two directions.  For most of its recent geological existence, the Earth has been locked in ice down to the 45th parallel, which in the case of  Oregon, lies near Salem.  During the peak of the last ice age, if there had been a state capitol, you could have seen a glacier face a half a mile high, maybe more, from the lobby windows.

But, there was no state capitol, then. Human civilization began after global warming began to melt that glacier back.  It’s all about farming. Feeding a growing population.  It’s hard to do during an ice age.

The geologically brief time between the long-lasting ice ages is called an "interstice."  Without global warming, there would be no interstices, and so very little, if any civilization. Ever since the Earth cooled enough to allow the presence of liquid water on the surface, the planet has either been heading for an ice age or warming so that life could (geologically speaking) briefly expand and flourish in the areas uncovered with the melting of the glaciers.

Now, you understand the basics.  Most of the time, half the Earth is frozen solid. Only the area from (roughly) 45 degrees north and 45 degrees south of the Equator is ice free.  For a few millennia between each ice age, the glaciers retreat to the poles, leaving half (the top in some cases and the bottom in others) of North America, Europe, Asia, South America, Australia and Africa open for life to expand.  Twice as much ocean is open during an interstice, as well.  Human population soared after the last ice age.  Global warming made civilization possible. 

Global cooling means world war

If you would like to see a real disaster, stick around for the next global cooling.  Be sure and buy heating oil and farm product futures when it begins, because the demand for oil will soar to the heavens in a cooler world, and with 50% of the farmland and half the seas unavailable for the harvesting of food, you will see those prices launch into space, as well. Billions will starve to death or freeze to death.  In fact, you will see worldwide food riots, and even food wars.  Your neighbors will have to shoot you and your children to feed themselves and their children.

This is why those of us who do not believe either the liars at the New York Times or the morons on KOIN-TV have the position we do on the subject.  We understand that global warming, if it is actually happening (no matter what is causing it) will open up the northern regions of the planet, vast areas of Canada, Europe and Asia, to agriculture, and all those folks who have moved to Florida to keep warm can return to Brooklyn. 

Of the two options available to a world civilization in a glacial interstice, global warming is a far better option than global cooling.  The disasters predicted for the former are nothing compared to the disasters guaranteed by the latter.  The enviro-whackos talk of desertification, for example.  They should take a look at ice-ification.  With a desert you can add water and with warming you get more of that.  Something like half the world's fresh water is presently frozen at the poles..  There is no way to grow anything on a glacier. 

All of the preceeding, of course, fails to support man-causes for global warming, even if the Earth is heating up on the long scale.  There were no SUVs in America ten thousand years ago when global warming began the retreat of the ice fields of the northern hemisphere.  In fact, the Indians who lived here didn’t even have a word in any of their languages for "wheel," let alone "SUV."  They did, however, have a word for starve.  An ice age makes for hungry times, which is why they ate the first American horse and the wooly mammoth to extinction.

The Purpose of Global Warming Scams

Recently, in South America, a conference on global warming was held.  When a reporter from the conservative side asked questions which do not support the global warming agenda, he was told to shut up, and the press conference was ended.  If memory serves, that was a U.N. sponsored meeting.  That makes me instantly suspicious.  You see, the U.N. is not a friend of yours if you are an American.  The Secretary General of the U.N., Kofi Annan, either was part of, or didn’t notice, the largest money laundering scam in world history, which took place during the Oil for Food program in Iraq while Saddam Hussein was in charge.  Had we not invaded Iraq, Hussein would still be in charge there, and the U.N. Oil for Food ripoff would still be going on. 

Kofi Annan’s son did well with this scam.  Whether Kofi did or not isn’t known by me, but according to the New York Times and KOIN-TV, we will know it pretty soon, because Kofi Annan is investigating whether or not he’s a crook, as you read this.  That’s right, the head of the U.N. is investigating massive corruption in the U.N., and will arrest himself if he finds himself guilty.

The largest scam in terms of pure dollars in the history of the world.  I've heard even big liberal journalists refer to it in that manner.  The biggest ripoff ever pulled off. 

You will hear that a famous American with a fine reputation is running the U.N. investigation.  You will not hear about the level of his subpoena powers.  (His abillity to demand and receive financial records.)

It is this U.N. that is solidly behind the reason for that conference in South America.  They were discussng the Kyoto Accords.  Now, that is a treaty that has been signed by a lot of nations.  George Bush refused to sign it.  Even if he was for it, the U.S. Senate would reject it.  Why?  Simple.  It is, like the Oil for Food program, a gigantic phony scheme directly related to our main subject, here.  Global warming of the man-caused variety.  Kyoto would charge America for using more energy than places like outer Mongolia, and trigger a massive transfer of money from this country out to non-industrial nations.  It’s a gigantic socialist redistribution scam.  The cost would outdo the U.N./Iraqi Oil scam.  In time, the dollar transfer would reach the unlucky number with thirteen digits.  We're talking trillions, with a "t." 

Worldwide welfare.  You, Mr. American, would foot the bill.

The Kyoto Accords would not have any effect on "global warming."  Under questioning, they admitted it at that South American conference.  Bush kept us from spending trillons for nothing, God Bless him. 

And, now, home to Oregon.

Ted Kulongoski is teaming with a group of citizens and the new legislature (even more liberal than the last one) to change the way things are done in Oregon.  He is going to stop man-caused global warming in this state.

Now that you know global warming is the only reason civilization exists, and also know that ten times as many scientists say that there is no valid scientific evidence to support the claim, and even if it is currently happening we aren’t the cause, what, you ask, is the Jolly Green Giant up to?  I will give you some options to consider.

First, it is possible that like Rick Blaine in Casablanca, he was misinformed.  Second, it is possible that he knows the man-caused global warming thing is a ruse, but supports the use of it as an excuse for the further liberalization of Oregon.  More socialism means more power for government officials.  More wealth redistribution. Turn the state into a park.  Reclaim the highest unemployment rate in America.  Get even for the recent measure the people passed.  The one that forces the various governments in Oregon to reimburse people when they take away the right for folks to develop their land. 

The last option is that he is simply a genetic liberal, by emotional structure unable to view any situation from other than the progressive perspective.  (Progressive in this case means regressive.  A return to middle-ages monarchy politics. You know.  Kings and princes.  The state owns everything and taxes the serfs into submission.)  This is the most dangerous of the options.  People who believe stupid things cause more problems than honest criminals.  Politicians like that aborted the tenets of Christianity to initiate the Inquisition.  Teddy K(ulongoski) could use misplaced liberal passion to stuff Oregon into an economic drainpipe. 

If he does, you can be sure the big Oregon media dolts will blame the lack of jobs on Bush. 

Which leaves us where?

There is global climate change.  There always has been global climate change.  There always will be global climate change until the sun turns into a red giant (five billion years from now) and expands to where its surface will be beyond the orbit of Mars.  Then, the Sierra Club will have some real global warming to deal with.

The direction of global climate change is in major scientific dispute, but it wouldn’t be unreasonable to guess that things are getting slowly warmer (say, a degree a century) simply because we are in a glacial interstice period, which by definition means things have heated up naturally.  SUV’s, factories and all other human activities had nothing to do with any of the previous global warming periods which sent the glaciers packing to the north, and since early Man didn’t have SUV’s or factories, he didn’t cause the present glacial interstice, either. 

Ted Kulongosi was the model for the Jolly Green Giant, and is a soft-headed liberal with a grasp of scientific controversy comparable to that of an orangutan..  He is being led around by his nose by folks who were big campaign supporters of him and his liberal friends, and who work for environmental organizations that distort the facts to such a degree that their actions demand examination of their deeper motives.  At Oregon Magazine, we believe these true motives to be political, not environmental in nature, pun intended.

In a word, my dear fellow Oregonian, you are about to be had by the Left, again, and the way the Oregon media will portray it, you won’t feel the tax knife until it’s between your ribs and halfway to your heart.

It is our hope that you really enjoy sex, since you are about to be royally screwed.

(LL)

© 2004 Oregon Magazine