December 2005 -- If Fay Wray had gone to Vermont and married King Kong, would their first child be named Gay Wray or Hong Kong?  Well, no matter.  It's too late for that, now.  As the film proves, the giant gorilla is no longer, yet forever with us.  But, left to us is the art vs. life discussion this tale always inspires.  What do these symbols mean?  Well, King Kong in this edition clearly represents Bill Clinton.  He always wants his own way, likes to paw women and talks pure gibberish the whole time.  And, the press is always on his trail.  Clearly, the Fay Wray character in this version of the classic battle of the sexes story, is Hillary Clinton.

The clumsy monkey which bothers everybody in New York City, was found in Jurassic Park, which as we all know is located in South America, and is a jungle petting zoo for the children of cocaine workers.  People in every version of this film always think they can cage the beast, but as elections in the Nineties, and press coverage since, have proven, they are foolish to keep believing this fantasy.  No, the downfall of giganticus knuckledraggus can only be brought about by a woman.  Feminists think this is a new tale, but it isn't.  The oldest writings on the planet confirm that.  Hillary is small potato(e)s, here.  Helen of Troy had a face that launched a thousand ships in her direction.  Hillary just caused a giant gorilla to climb the Empire State Building trying to get away.  (The Empire State Building here is a metaphor for Harlem.) 

The special effects in the new film rival the editing the press has done to protect Hillary over the years.  For gorilla monster vocals, the film's director brilliantly used selections from Howard Dean campaign speeches.  The gorilla's eyes are reminiscent of Barney Frank the day he learned his gay toyboy was running a house of homosexual prostitution in Barney's basement.  I mean, you talk about mixed lust and innocent horror!  A study of the beast's fingers will prove to you that the original model here was Jesse Jackson.  If it's shiny and worth anything, the beast will pull out chains set in concrete to get it.  

The film is, in a word, a masterpiece of symbolic and technical storytelling.  It perfectly describes the period of American history where the Clintons left Arkansas, and took over the governmental and economic centers of this land.  In this footage we watch the beast released from the wilderness, eventually transported to New York City, and then destroyed by machines it does not understand.  Darth Vader and Sauron, rolled into one.

Once more we are dramatically reminded that when Democrats are elected to power, everything goes to hell  in a handbasket, and only the arrival of superhero National Guard pilots like G.W. Bush can (Mission Accomplished) bring the nation back from the brink of destruction.

This film gets four stars from Oregon Magazine

(LL)

© 2005 Oregon Magazine