Slammer drove away from the abbey with a pickup load of Triple Peach Brandy, lost his brakes going down toward the creek and dumped the whole load in the drink.

That night three trout singing Irish ballads ran head on into a beaver dam and were ticketed by the local forest ranger for a SUII. (Swimming while Under the Influence of Intoxicants.)

The friars didn’t have any brandy left to sell to to pay for their annual Christmas fried gopher dinner for people married to their first cousins, so since it was winter and the only thing they had growing on the farm was some flowers in indoor window boxes, they open up a florists shop in Peg’s Bottom.  Since there already was a florists shop in Peg’s bottom, that led to a price war on daffodills, with the brothers having the edge because they are a religious group, and so tax free 

The unfair competition caused our regular florist,  Pseudo Agricolae, to object by way of contacting  Hugh MacTaggart, also known as the Scottish Stallion on account of his big, hairy thighs, which are a blue color this time of year because he wears a kilt. 

Pseudo hired him to chase the brothers back to pumkin ridge, which he did by standing in front of the friar’s store window, dropping a penny and bending over to pick it up.  The sight of those fully exposed giant hairy blue thighs sent the monks off at a run. 

This, according to all who watched the event, proved that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
 

Public Notice

Due to the arrival of the fall Oregon rains, the basement meeting room in the City Hall will be submerged until next June.

Snooseville -  On December 24th, the Norwegian loggers of the nearby community of Snooseville, Oregon covered their bodies with pine pitch, then sprinkled themselves with scales from the Red Snapper and the White Bass, turning themselves into Nordic  versions of Santa Claus.  Then, they all got in a '39 International pickup, drove through town and threw free lutefisk candy to the children.

The trip ended in its usual manner when every cat in Snooseville smelled fish and leaped into the box.  Cranston Delaplank brought his Brownie camera to see if he could get a photo of the loggers buried under a half ton of hungry cats, but just before he clicked the shutter was run down by what was estimated to be roughly three hundreds dogs on their way to the party..

Wanted: '51 Hudson Terraplane clutch.  Contact Clyde Foofaw 

No Pain Big Gain

Dufur - The former Joe Smutz, known as Mahandra Pandra Chrome Veranda since he became a Hindu fakir duriing therapy to overcome his fear of snakes, is allergic to novocaine, so having a root canal has been hell for the poor man.  No longer.  A passing Buddhist monk taught him how to transcend dental medication. 

 Obituary Notice

Sam Fandango of Rt. 4, Peg's Bottom, passed away Monday last when he attempted to prove that a light bulb in his mouth would illuminate if he licked his finger and stuck it in a lamp socket. 

Interment was in an insulated casket because he was still emitting sparks. 
 

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This page is dedicated to Dave Bascom.