He had just been awarded the Golden Weiner for his years of service when an electrical short in the overhead lighting shot a blue flame into his award, creating an Einsteinian space-time warp through which flew a Venusian star cruiser with 16 inch studded snow tires, mud flaps and twin CB whips.

Skidding to a stop on the assembly line floor, right next to the skin tube machine, the driver's window rolled down and an insect with a microphone in its claw said, "Breaker, breaker, this is Moon-unit Zappa.  I have just landed on the planet Verboort. How many test victims do you want, doc?"

Orville, who is two cards short of a deck since he got run over by a hay baler in the fall of 1949, said, "I collect hubcabs, son, and ain't got none from Venus.  I'll swap you a set of seat covers from a 54 Chev Bel Aire for 'em."

A big arm extended from the ship and picked Orville up and deposited him down a big porthole in the top, and like a shot the ship lifted off and disappeared into the wild blue yonder.

All the party attendees were arguing about who to call about it, most of them believing NASA was better than the local sheriff, when the ship came back and dumped Orville out a trap door in the bottom.  He had a sticker on his forehead that said, "Rejected by inspector 55 for lack of mental activity."

So they opened the keg and all got drunk.

Orville is the sixteenth resident of these parts to be rejected by alien collectors, which is a record exceeded only by the space alien collection rejection rate of the legislature.

Peg's Bottom -- During the recent switch to standard time, Alexander VanderZander read in this paper that he should turn all his clock back, so he took them to the Peg's Bottom Mercantile where he bought them in the first place.

Ever since that day, he has been late to everything.  Many in this community are pleased at this turn of events, since he uses embalming fluid for mouthwash, believing that it will keep his teeth from degrading.

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Coriander Coelacanth Celebrates Centennial

Snooseville --  Coriander Coelacanth on Friday last was feted by eight loggers named Lief on the 100th anniversary of his great-great-great-great-great grandfather's invention of the fiord, which is now a standard part of all Nordic coastlines.

Coelacanth, is an ancient Norway word for "really ugly old fish."
 

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This page is dedicated to Dave Bascom.