Long ago, a Viking maiden doing a group Cod dance bent over to fix her fin-laces, and accidentally speared the maiden in front in the buttocks with the horns on her helmet.

The punctured maiden emitted an uufda and instead of turning round the lutefisk vat, danced right off a cliff and disappeared into the dark waters below.  The next morning, a massive run of sea slugs surged up the fiord, providing sustenance for the community.

After that, the Cod dance was changed to the Slug Fest, and male Vikings were added to the event.  Each one armed with a vuudfent, or large, barnacle covered club, beat the helmet of the maiden in front during the dance.  The maiden who first cried out was then thrown into the fiord, and this brought the sea slugs back.

There were no maidens in the vicinity this year, so the dancing loggers used the Reverend Praecox's wife, the lovely Dementia, who being married to a preacher rarely has sex anyway.

Not being an actual maiden, she did not generate a run of sea slugs into the local creek, but two crawfish and a mallard came over to inspect the splash.

By adding a pickup load of baking powder biscuits to the pot, the loggers were able to feed sixty people, most of whom were so drunk that they ate their spoon instead.

The lovely Dementia was soaking wet when she crawled out of the pot, so they held an impromptu wet T-shirt contest which, because she was the only female there, she won.

The prize was a solid brass peavy, which she now uses to roll her husband home after he has had a religious experience at the Snooseville Saloon.

During bowell surgery at the Rumsey Clinic, a license plate was discovered in the lower intestine of Twisp resident, Sanford Studebaker.

He has a history of eating small chrome parts from Buick Roadmasters of the Fifties era, but to the best of anybody's recollection, he had never chewed near any bumper.  Portholes are his favorites.

A check with the Department of Motor Vehicles showed that the plate had originally been on a Ford pickup owned by Merk Mecklemiser of Peg's Bottom, who is now deceased.

According to Sanford, you can stuff ground chicken into a rolled up license plate and eat it like a burrito, but he could not recall ever doing that himself, although he once ate a bumper guard, which may have been located near the license plate.

He said he was in love at the time, and may have been showing off, and later forgot about the incident.

Merk Mecklemiser was interred at the local wrecking yard in 1955 because he hit an eighteen wheeler head on during the final event of his life.  Relatives dug up the truck and reattached the plate.

Three members of the Department of Motor Vehicles in full dress grease coveralls played Amazing Grace on auto horns during the reburial.

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This page is dedicated to Dave Bascom.