One hundred and thirty feet later the truck landed nose first in Maybelle Mullerlilies Mud Wallow.  Because he had his seat belts on, and an airbag the size of the Goodyear Blimp, Cordell survived the fall, but when all those accordians suddenly squeezed together on impact, the squawk blew the tailgate off the dump truck – we’re talking two inch steel plate -- and flattened three miles of marketable second growth timber with a single wheeze. 

The U.S. Defense department is now looking at the accordian as a possible  improvement over the daisy cutter bombs they’ve been dropping on Afghanistan  It is the contention of defense department experts that  a B-52 could carry five thousand accordians, and if dropped from 20,000 feet when they hit ground zero would make a wheezing squawk that would flatten the Himalayas. 

There is a cave-factor at play with the accordian, as well.  Minnesota miners have reported hearing the beer barrel polka from two miles below ground, which could explain the odd behaviour one frequently notices in people from Minneapolis.

 Obituary Notice

George G. George of Rt. 4, George, Washington, met his untimely end while visiting his first cousin, Coriander Coelacanth of Peg's Bottom.  Having recently read a book on sword swallowing, and after numerous cups of a locally brewed adult beverage, he attempted to stuff the front bumper from a '52 Packard down his throat and suffocated just past the license plate, right in the middle of sticker that said, "I visited the Stumps of Mystery."

Interment will be in the George, Washington wrecking yard as soon as the remains can be registered with the Department of Motor Vehicles.

Delbert Picklesimer of Rt. 2, Peg's Bottom is a cross eyed dyslexic, so he sees everything correctly, only the long way around. 

But, as he has aged, his attention span has decreased, and day before yesterday, or maybe it was the day before that, he forgot that he is cross eyed and thought a sign that said left turn only really meant right turn only, and drove his Massy-Ferguson twin overhead camshaft V-12 manure spreader into Barbie Bouffant’s Beauty Shoppe, filling it clean up to the hair curlers with bovine effulgence. 

A number of folks said that if he had drove it into City Hall, nobody could have told the difference, but Barbie Bouffant’s Beauty Shoppe is the only place in Peg’s Bottom that doesn’t smell like used motor oil, bag balm or lutefisk – although it is said that the proprietor of that shop, a woman with a stack of hair close to four feet in elevation – and who thus is Miss New Jersey Trailer Park of 2002, in honor of the ladies of Snooseville,  is now selling a Norwegian underarm deodorant that doesn’t do anything, which after fourteen days means your armpits will smell like rotten fish all on their own.

Women who wear this type are the queens of the Snooseville Saloon Season.

Wanted: 51 Hudson Terraplane rubber clutch pedal cover felt inside liner.  Contact Clyde Foofaw 

2002
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2001
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 August  |  November  |  December

This page is dedicated to Dave Bascom.