There are more cases pending in the Peg's Bottom traffic court than all other jurisdictions in Amreica combined. He was recently nominated to the county bench, and confirmed in the position at the hearings in the Snooseville Saloon after buying only fourteen rounds.

During his first week on the county bench a group made up of German and Dutch farmers  threatened to lock him in the barn with Clyde Foofaw’s prize bull unless he declared them all to be Native Americans so they can open  gambling casinos on their places.

The local defense attorney, Shylock C. Shyster, said it was a judgement of innocent for his clients or certain photos of the judge in the company of Northern California forest creatures that originally evolved in San Francisco bath houses would be released.  The Sierra Club threatened to poison his well if he didn’t close down all logging forever, 

The Oregon Education Association said they’d get his nephew a scholarship to Berkely if he okayed vouchers.  The NAACP said they’d introduce him to Jesse Jackson if he didn’t support reparations.  And the governor of Oregon said he’d attack with two divisions of the national guard if he ever opposed a tax increase.

Judge Witherspoon, who subsequently resigned from the bench,  was last seen floating down the East Fork in a rubber dingy, singing to a short case of Beck’s Beer.  For the time being, all legal disputes in this area will be settled with firearms.

 Obituary Notice

Wendell "Chugger" Tflit, of Rt. 2 Dufur, for many years the Grand Marshall of the Pumpkin Ridge Grange Millard Filmore Days parade, stepped on a fresh cow pie and lost his footing, subsequently falling into a vat of bag balm in his barn on Tuesday last.  When he climbed out, he was so slippery that, stepping onto his barn floor, which has been tilted ten degrees since the earthquake of 1904, he shot right out the door and slammed into the front end of his 1954 Buick and was chrome grilled to death.

He was laid in state in the grange hall for three days, but kept sliding off the two card tables they duct taped together to support him, so on Thursday they slipped him under at the Pumpkin Ridge cemetary.

He is survived by a sister, Ophelia, six dairy cows and a cat named "C'mere Stupid." 

Just in time for Easter, Peg's Bottom inventor, Cranston Delaplank  announced success in his latest genetic experiments.

The bunny, which is named Jane Fonda, has so far produced sixteen baskets of eggs which were given to the town children.

Asked how he did it, Cranston said that he crossed a Jack Rabbit with a Platypus from Australia.  The eggs are very tasty, he said, but you don't want to let them hatch because the chicks all look like Janet Reno.

Wanted: 51 Hudson Terraplane rubber clutch pedal cover felt inside liner holding screw washer.  Contact Clyde Foofaw 

Billy Bangtooth Washes Pickup 

To celebrate his first wedding anniversary, Billy Bangtooth washed the gray ghost chia truck, which is a 1939 International half ton, for the first time since he has owned it.  To the suprise of all onlookers, it turned out to be painted red.

Unfortunately, after finishing the job, Billy sneezed and the hood, the box, the doors and all four fenders fell off.   Apparently, it was the mold, moss and plant roots that was holding it together.

Those who wish to assist Billy in the rebuilding should deliver donations of duct tape to the Bangtooth Box at the hardware store..

Ladies of the Perambulating Orient Lodge Spring Bazaar

On April 15, the Peg's Bottom lodge #35 of the LOTPOL will hold their annual fund raiser at the feed store. Items for sale will include succotash pie, knitted handkerchiefs which let the snot fly through and so don't get soggy in your pocket, an embroidered tapestry depicting the annual Snooseville Norwegian Rites of Spring where the loggers coat themselves with fish scales and run through the woods making fish sounds, and a one-legged duck which keeps falling over.
 

2002
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2001
March  | April  | May  | June  | July
 August  |  November  |  December

This page is dedicated to Dave Bascom.