The attending doctor, A. Bummer, who is from northern California, and whose medical degree comes from an island in the Caribbean which nobody can find on a map, puffed on one of his very fragrant cigarettes and said, "Like, wow, man.  I mean your condition is far out.  What's your drug of choice?"

Mr. Nicklepickle, who due to a stressful upbringing (the family lived in a Massey Ferguson combine), does not understand a great many concepts, replied, "I like goober floats."

Dr. Bummer adjusted his  earphones, which were playing something by the Stones, and said, "Man, I can really dig that."

"What do you want me to do?" asked Mr. Nicklepickle.

"Like, for what purpose?" asked Dr. Bummer.

"To get better," replied Mr. Nicklepickle.

"Oh, that's easy," said Dr. Bummer.  "Costa Rican is the best.  It's the humidity or something.  I mean, that's far out leaf, you dig?"

Then Dr. Bummer offered Mr. Nicklepickle a drag on his cigarette, which was a brand known as Toke.  After inhaling the medication deeply, Mr. Nicklepickle developed a sudden desire for brownies and went to the Peg's Bottom bakery and ate everything that had chocolate in it.

The bill at the bakery came to $642.18, which forced Mr. Nicklepickle to sell the hereditary  family combine to pay it, so sixteen family members had to move into a used manure spreader.

.When threatened with legal action for odiferous malpractice, Dr. Bummer said, "Far out, man," and settled out of court by giving the Nicklepickle family a  bunch of balloons inflated with something which when you inhale it, it makes your voice very high in pitch. 

The family now makes enough to rent a ten bedroom trailer by putting lace doilies on their heads, sucking on the balloons and singing the best tunes of the Vienna Boy's Choir during Sunday services at the Mission of the Semi-Sentient Acolyte up on Pumpkin Ridge.

      classified advertisement
Wanted: 51 Hudson Terraplane rubber clutch pedal cover felt inside liner holding screw washer grommet seat flange bracket spacer shim sleeve lock ring retainer collar lubricant fitting nipple collar.  Contact Clyde Foofaw 

Dufur --  The longtime town repairman, Michael Clunk, turned a nut the wrong way while Mayor Huckleberry Bass was giving the annual state of the town speech on the platform below, and opened the tank cleaning trap door by mistake.

The subsequent downpour of 90,000 gallons of water washed every citizen in Dufur, including Mayor Bass, three miles down the Whatchacallit River, which normally meanders picturesquely through this quiet country village. 

As the smelt run was in the river at that time, all of the citizens were scooped up in nets before they got to the falls, but the mayor, being of extensive girth, would not fit in a smelt net, so went right over the brink.

Witnesses who at the time were illegally dipping smelt from the fish ladders said that Mayor Bass did a double gainer with three full revolutions before he hit the water.

When a sturgeon fisherman hauled him in from the pool below the falls, the assembled anglers gave him three cheers for his diving prowess and voted him into another term in office.

MEETING NOTICE

The Sisters of the Perambulating Orient Lodge have combined with the flock of the Church of the Moribund Disciple, the right reverend Portentious P. Praecox presiding, to make arrangements for the annual spring town Rutabaga Pie Bakeoff,  which this year will be combined with Snooseville's Norwegian Lutefisk Festival.

Some citizens have expressed doubts about Rutabaga Lutefisk Pie, but Emilia Wanderlust-Philodendron, the Head Mistress of the lodge, told them to shut up.

Clyde Foofaw's Prize Bull Sires Six Hundred Offspring in a Single Month

"He got into my viagra supply," said Foofaw.  "After that, you couldn't have stopped him with thermonuclear warheads.  He made one holstein pregnant from thirty feet away."
 

2003
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2002
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2001
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This page is dedicated to Dave Bascom.