Because Norway is so far north, summer, which is defined by the thawing and reanimation of people who froze in mid-step the previous December, comes late to that land.  Mid-July is the time when Viking maidens decorate their broadswords with tundra flowers and take ship for villages along the shores of the fiords, where they rape and pillage any adult males left undefended by their family.

The Norwegian goddess of summer is Gretchen, daughter of Odin, and is traditionally represented at solstice by the largest virgin available.  In Norwegian communities, that is often a female nearly seven feet tall.  Snooseville's candidate this year is the daughter of Eric Nyhus, and she fills the bill at six feet, ten inches in height. Able to demolish compact cars with a single punch, questions concerning her virginity have remained out of the public discourse..

All the floats in the Solstice parade this year are representations of fish found in Scandinavian waters.  The most awaited one is that which is being created by regulars at the Snooseville Saloon.  It is said to be a sixty foot long lutefisk stick with wheels. 

Events in the community include the Icelandic Cod Toss, in which participants lob piscatorial carcasses as far as 100 yards, attempting to spear them on the horns of an actual ancient Viking horned helmet.  Another popular event is a reinactment of a Viking raid. 

Loggers from Snooseville put on dirty animal skins and attack Peg's Bottom, running down main street, setting shops and homes afire, clubbing the men, throwing the women over their shoulders and running off into the woods to symbolically have their way with them.

The final ceremony involves the building of a large bonfire in the city park and the boiling of three tons of rotten fish.  Everybody sits around picking their teeth with cod bones until midnight, at which time all present cry out "Oof-da," then go home.

Aeschuylus Spandex of Rt. 3, Peg's Bottom, has high blood pressure and during times of stress turns into one or another shades of red.  On Thursday last, he descovered that while shopping at the market his Irish Wolf Hound had snagged a passing bat while standing in the back seat of his Hudson convertible.

When Aeschuylus came back to the car the sight of his dog with leathery wings sticking out each side of his mouth took him by surprise and he turned orange.

Philbert Dorfmeister, the market's produce manager mistook him for a fruit and stuffed him into a Sunkist display until the mistake was discovered.

Meeting Announcement

The Peg's Bottom Historical Society will meet Thursday next.  Professor Gloria Smoot from Oregon State University will give a lecture on aboriginal inhabitants who live nearby, all of whom are Irish.

Sam Spigot Visits 

Dufur -- The Spigot farm was the destination for a reknowned relative of George and Georgina Spigot during late June.

Sam Spigot, George's cousin from Elmira, New York, was a guest in residence during that period.  Known far and wide as the direct descendant of Jeremiah Spigot, who carved George Washington's false teeth, Sam is the only remaining wooden denturist in America.
 

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This page is dedicated to Dave Bascom.