For example, Clyde Foofaw's latest genetic experiment, a cross between a Birkshire hog and a farm pond frog, resulted in a blue ribbon porker that's a catastrophic croaker.

The engineer from radio station KHIK in Dork (East county, Pop 6) recorded the sound on a fifty channel multiplexer so the attending farm public could get an idea what a herd of them would sound like at feeding time, and cracked car windshields a block away.

As one experienced agricultural sage observed, "Imagine somethin'  that size hoppin' through the air and landin' on you.  A flyin' green six hundred pound black spotted bacon factory.  I do not think so."

Every half hour the building volcanic hump under the nearby parking lot emitted some strange steam which when inhaled caused some folks to believe they were in New Jersey, in a city with a name they couldn't spell.

And speaking of spelling, the winner of the Snooseville Division in the Spelling Bee was Ooort Svenska, who successfully spelled "fish."  It is the first time in living memory that a local Swede has said anything anybody understood, and has generated concern at the County Extension Service, which provides multiple outlet cords for people with sixteen children, so who need at least six toasters running in tandem during breakfast preparation.

The Swedish people commonly have large families, and like what normal folks call "french toast," or bread slices dipped in egg batter and then heated.  Their method of doing this in a toaster instead of a frying pan results in a large number of toasters with short-circuited heating coils or pop-up mechanisms which are unbelieveably gooey.

GUNK, which is a product intended for de-greasing old engine blocks, is the only chemical known which will clean off six years worth of fried egg residue from a  bank of Swedish toaster heating coils.

Delbert Phluhgmeister of Dufur suggested that a bank of Swedish toasters after being de-gunked could be used as a initial launch booster platform for Clyde Foofaw's giant green hopping hogs, allowing them to leap like floral leopards and catch passing Piper Cubs with their long sticky tongues.

This observation caused some to leave the fairgrounds swearing to never return, again.
 

Dufur --  Local inventress, Cecelia Bagby-Cleavage, after twelve cocktails, dreamt that the effectiveness of solar cells could be doubled if you shine an aircraft landing light on them after the sun goes down.

Besides blinding every owl in west county, Cecelia soon discovered what is known as the law of diminishing returrns.  It takes six thousand dollars worth of Ray-O-Vac batteries to generate four thousand dollars worth of electricity in such a manner, and so can only be done under the auspices of the Oregon Department of Human Services, whose charter does not require a logical reason for spending unlimited amounts of money. 

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Wanted: 51 Hudson Terraplane rubber clutch pedal cover felt inside liner holding screw washer grommet seat flange bracket spacer shim sleeve lock ring retainer collar lubricant fitting nipple collar gasket sealant tape.  Contact Clyde Foofaw 

The Merchants of Main Street have announced a new event for the last week of August.  It is called Roman UFO Days.  All the merchants and store staffs will wear togas and football helmets with antennae duct taped to them, and will invade property owned by anybody with a French ancestry until the first day of September, when school begins.

Town Council Meets at County Fair

The two remaining (unhospitalized) members of the Peg's Bottom Town Council ran  into each other on Thursday last.  The collision was not unexpected, as it took place during a manure spreader destruction derby grudge race at the fairgrounds.

Next year's running of this event may be limited to adults only, as the sight of two blue-haired women with bared teeth slammng into each other head on in a cloud of flying cow patties disturbed some of the more sensitve children in the stands.
 
 

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This page is dedicated to Dave Bascom.