"He doesn't know what biological warfare is," said one logger.
Critics of the move said that, being an Arab, bin Ladin had probably never even seen a fish, and wouldn't know what to do with one, but supporters pointed out that bin Ladin is an idiot, and without question was likely to eat anything that was rotten.
This argument carried the day, and the loggers took the barrel to the post office, which volunteered to mail it for free. Postal workers enthusiastically put a large sticker on the cask, identifying it as a shipment of Instant Wife -- Just Add Water.
It will arrive at bin Ladin's cave just in time for the Jewish and Christian holidays.
Public Notice
The Peg's Bottom Militia recently purchased a war surplus B-29 and needs the following: five hundred smart bombs, directions to Afghanistan and a device that is capable of homing in on lutefisk.
Suggestions that any Norwegian would serve the last need have been rejected as bad for the war effort, since only Norwegians know how to make fish into weapons of mass destruction.
. Advance Obituary Notice
Osama bin Ladin, an Islamic terrorist, will die in a cave before spring. Reports will state that he was bombed at the time. No mention will be made that his death was the result of exposure to lutefisk..
President
Bush Communicates with Osama bin Laden.
by Plato Hamburger - Official Peg's Bottom Philosopher
While driving to the mall to purchase Christmas presents, I heard this telephone call on my Radio Shack scanner. The tape recorder was accidentally rolling, so I copied the conversation and immediately mailed it to Jim McDermott and the New York Times. What follows is a transcription of the important elements of the interchange -- PH.
"Hi. Yes, you have reached the White House. This is George.
Could you speak up? I can't hear you over the background
noise. What? Bombs? Whose bombs? Oh, you're a member of
the Taleban! No wonder it's noisy, there! How's it goin'?"
"%$#^(*^$$#@##@#$#^%#!!"
"No, as far as I know, I'm not related to any of those. Was there
something else you wanted? I'm kinda busy, here."
"$^%$#%#$%##$&$#$& !!!"
"Yes, that must have been a big one. It rattled my telephone speaker. Well, it's been nice to chat with you, Mr. bin Laden, but I've got to get back to work. Idle hands do not B1 bombers or Tomahawk missles make as my dad always says. Have a nice day."
(click)
"It was the most ghastly thing I ever smelled! They say it's made from fish. They must be fish from hell." -- Winston Churchill, following a state dinner in Oslo.
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This page is dedicated to Dave Bascom.