To ensure we Americans do not offend anyone with our deeply racist culture, airport screeners must not be allowed to PROFILE people. They must continue random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, Secret Service agents who are members of the President's security detail, 85-year old Congressmen with metal hips, and Medal Of Honor winning former Governors. 

Let's pause a moment and take the following test.  It will prove once and for all that focusing attention on one group of people will not deal with terrorism.: 

1.  In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, athletes were kidnapped and massacred by: 

(a) Olga Korbutt
(b) Sitting Bull 
(c) Arnold Schwartzenegger 
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40 

2.  In 1979,the U.S. embassy in Iran was taken over by: 

(a) Lost Norwegians 
(b) Elvis 
(c) A tour bus full of 80-year-old women 
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40 

3.  During the 1980's a number of Americans were kidnapped in Lebanon by: 

(a) John Dillinger 
(b) The King of Sweden 
(c) The Boy Scouts 
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40 

4.  In 1983, the U.S. Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by: 

(a) A pizza delivery boy 
(b) Pee Wee Herman 
(c) Dan Rather making up for a slow news day 
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40 

5.  In 1985 the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked, and a 70 year old American passenger was murdered and thrown overboard by: 

(a) The Smurfs 
(b) Davy Jones 
(c) The Little Mermaid 
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40 

6.  In 1985 TWA flight 847 was hijacked at Athens, and a US Navy diver was murdered by: 

(a) Captain Kid 
(b) Charles Lindberg 
(c) Mother Teresa 
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40 

7.  In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by: 

(a) Scooby Doo 
(b) The Tooth Fairy 
(c) Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid 
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40 

8.  In 1993 the World Trade Center was bombed the first time by: 

(a) Richard Simmons 
(b) Grandma Moses 
(c) Martha Stewart 
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40 

9.  In 1998, the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by: 

(a) Mr. Rogers 
(b) Chelsea Clinton 
(c) The World Wrestling Federation
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40 

10.  On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked and destroyed and thousands of people were killed by:

(a) Bugs Bunny
(b) Wile E. Coyote
(c) Mr Bean 
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40 

11.  In 2002 the United States fought a war in Afghanistan against: 

(a) Enron
(b) The Lutheran Church 
(c) The NFL 
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40 

12.  In 2002 reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by: 

(a) Bonnie and Clyde 
(b) Captain Kangaroo 
(c) Billy Graham 
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40 

As any fool can see, the people who perpetrated  these atrocities have nothing in common with each other. Our thanks go to Roger Nolastname who sent this to us.

© 2002 Oregon Magazine