The ides of December, 2005 A.D. -- Would somebody tell Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) to just shut up? Today, of all days, this moron demanded that the U.S. begin the immediate departure from Iraq.  After the latest example (this very day!)  which is living proof that Iraqis are more intelligent than she, preferring as they do democracy over one-party fascism, is it not time that the dragon, having been pierced by the third arrow, should slink its scaly breast and scalding voice back into the vulcanic bowells from whence it came?

Bush has proven his point, that he has a plan and that it has worked.  The Iraqi woman raised her purple finger and thanked America and G.W. Bush.  We all saw and heard her on FOX, if nowhere else.  She said that those who did not understand what Bush has done for all Iraqis could "go to hell."  Is Pelosi both blind and deaf?  These are Arthurian times.  Warriors fight boldly to break the chains of tyrants.  These are the times that generate epics.

If only it had been Pelosi, not Bilbo Baggins, who in the groping dark found Sauron's one ring of power.  She could have brought down the dark lord of Mordor with just her mouth.  Shelob is a ladybug compared to this woman.  Thus, the craft in my idea, here.  She finds the ring, so would be invisible every time she put it on.  People would bump into her, and you could see where she left tracks along the ground, but we would all be spared the sight of her standing there at some podium in that instant before she opens her mouth and begins to once more say things which are baseless, useless, misleading, and virtually always a dumpster load of crap.

Do beginnings dictate endings?

Here, what if she had been born in Africa, and at the age of twelve had been dragged feet first by a snow leopard up the sides of Mt. Kilamanjaro?  Even if the leopard's teeth had not been destroyed by her acidic blood, would she not be sufficiently reduced by being dragged backwards up six miles of loose shale so that she would now be modified in her rhetoric?  If Pelosi had thus been stripped of bombastic leftist effluvia, would she not now be tolerable?

I can think of so many scenarios which would have been lovely, but it now seems likely our first allusion, here, the dragon comparison above, is best.  The ancient writers of  the Western World, even the earliest of texts, like Beowulf (once ridiculed but in the end dramatically defended in the modern era by Tolkien), speak of dragons.  Is Pelosi not a dragon?  Does she not constantly fly over our villages on her way to pillage?  Is it the fault of Homer, Dante, Chaucer or Truman Capote that because of Marx one can now pillage many communities from central locations like Washington, D.C.?  

Dragons call for knights

Does flame not shoot from her mouth when she awakes?  Is that great pile of treasure on which she sleeps well gotten gains or plunder?  Nay, I say, to the pale and beyond with her.  To the thistle brakes guarding the commons of Hell.  To San Francisco with the woman, yea even unto the Simi Valley, with all the gates of the road to the rational lands closed behind her.  Let her reside on piles of boolean gilt on Mt. Tamalpais, dripping rancour from her scales on the upturned faces of the politically correct.  Let that land thenceforth  slide into the sea, taking with it the college at Berkely, Radio Pacifica, La Raza, Willie Brown and the bath houses.  Let them all slide into the oceanic depths and be reduced until nothing remains but otters wrapped in their sleeping bags of seaweed, with dreams of abalonies dancing in their heads.

Ah, just the thought of Pelosi being quiet.  And Teddy Kennedy.  And Charlie Schumer.  And Joe Biden.  And Henry Waxman.  Just those, Lord.  I ask no more.  And, as the stranger on the radio said, while you're at it, would you please send Jesse Jackson someplace where he can make an honest living, and use his own money to pay his child support?

Silent night, holy night.  Do not forget, dear friends, that this isn't about Iraq.  It is about 2006.  The Democrats are the politically undead, and are trying to shuffle forward to their dark victory.  Listen to what this old man has to say. Deny them.  

The takeover of the House in 1994 got their attention, but they thought it was a freak thing.  2000 shook them, and left them blinking.  They said, "We have been robbed.  The people do not actually feel this way.". But, in 2002, the retake of the stolen senate sent a cold chill of doubt through them.  This wasn't supposed to happen in the mid-terms.  And, then came 2004.  A three million vote margin of victory.  The Democrats haven't won with a majority vote since Carter.  This one frightened them, and their media, to the bone.  That is why they have become so vicious, so intemporate.  They are cornered animals, now, and fighting for their very existence.  Trap a wolverine  in an alley and see what happens.

The dragon yet draws breath, and peers through a slitted eye.  To horse, knight.  It is a mythical time, and your armor must glisten in the sun as you charge the forces of evil, holding your spear of freedom high.  The day is yours if you will but take it.  Pull the sword from the stone.

Finish these dragons in 2006.

(LL)

© 2005 Oregon Magazine