(Update: June 5, 2002, an email warning about the virus and offering a cure is circulating.  Do not use the link in that file!!  It will infect your machine with KLEZ.  Only use the software you get below.  Here's a copy of the fake email that contained the virus.
 
 

Do not use the link in that email !!!   Now to the original Virus Doctor text.

OMED: I received the following message from (I think) my server:
 

   Now, as I read that, it means I sent them a virus. 
   So, I called my server and read the message to a pleasant fellow named, John.  He said the message meant that a virus aimed at me had been stopped by them before it got to me.
   To doublecheck, I emailed the message above to another of the technicians at my server -- an unpleasant fellow named Marcus who thinks I am crazy.  I trust unpleasant people who think I am crazy.
   Marcus said that he had talked it over with John, and come to the conclusion that the message meant what I originally thought  -- that I had been infected and the server had caught the virus when I sent an outgoing message.

   He told me to get the program that would fix it, which is at:
http://www.symantec.com/avcenter   A little way down that page, I found a link that sent me to the page for W32.Klez.H@mm.  There, another link sent me to the page where one downloads the actual software  that checks a computer for the virus. (And, I suppose, eliminates it and fixes altered files.)
   My machine was clean, which means neither John nor Marcus was correct, but yours may be infected, since some versions of this nasty little bug apparently can get inside when you open an email.  You don't have to click on an executable file to get it.  Just looking at your mail can infect you.
   So, for those of you who like me think computer people are from Boolea, and so are incapable of communicating in English, here's how it works.
   If you're running Windows95 just follow the directions below.  It may be that simple for Windows98, too, but I don't know about that.  If you run ME, or something with '2000' in the name, you'll have to shut off some function which I have never heard of, run the fix program and then turn that strange function back on.  The virus page discusses that, but it's all Greek to me.. So, good luck if you're saddled with that.  But, for those of us who run Model-T software, here's the English version of what you do.

Make a destination folder, then download the fix

In my case, I clicked on Start, slid to  Programs and Windows Explorer, then clicked on that.  I went to C:MAINDIR/Computer and made a new folder there called Virus.  You can make a folder called Virus right in C if you like.  Do it as follows.  Inside Windows Explorer (your file manager), click on C.  It will turn blue.  Go up to the top of the page with your mouse arrow and click on file, then slide through new, to folder.  Click on it.  Type the word Virus and hit ENTER on your keyboard.  You now have a folder with the address C:/Virus  Minimize your Windows Explorer window (or "X" it closed) and tell the web page you want to download the virus program
   A small window will pop up.  You can click your way to your new Virus folder.  When that is the destination listed on your screen you're cooking with gas.  Clicking Go, Okay or whatever the action command is, will send the virus detection software into that folder. 

Opening in Safe Mode

Once you've done that, close all programs until you're looking at your desktop, then restart your machine in "Safe mode."  This means in most cases you hit "start," "restart" and  "shut down."   Soon the screen will turn black.  At that time start hitting the F5 key, up there at the top of your keyboard. When the screen turns to color, stop doing it.   If you are successful with your timing, the computer will start in Safe Mode. 

Then you hit "start" and go back to your file access system ('Windows Explorer, usually) and to the folder where you saved the virus program.  When you open (by clicking) that folder, the virus fix command file will appear in the box at the right.  Double click on it and it will run.  If it finds anything, it will let you know.  It might even fix any bad files if you ask it nice.
   Voila!  You, the terrified non-nerd,  have just made a folder, downloaded files into it, then sent them off to save your digital bacon.  Tell that to your kids and you'll see admiration in their eyes for the first time since you fixed the toaster by drop-kicking it the full length of the driveway.

LL

©2002 Oregon Magazine