| The event was initiated when a four year old holstein, name of Harriet,
owned by Orville Studebaker ran through a plank pasture gate to avoid the
attentions of the bull, who was visiting unannounced from the Foofaw farm.
Since it was just before milking time, her udder was full and when she
ran down the road toward Snooseville, it swang from side to side and demolished
every mailbox for two miles. When she got to the Snooseville Saloon,
the bull was closing in on her, so she ran inside and hid behind three
Norwegians who were at the time engaged in a lutefisk juggling contest.
The bull stepped on the juggling Norwegians while attempting to express his undying affection for the holstein, and that’s when Sheriff Orrick appeared on the scene. He came running into the saloon carrying a two by four and planted it right between the bull’s horns., which addled the bull momentarily, and, mistaking the sheriff for a a holstein, it tried to express its affection for him. There were five Norwegians who were conscious at the time left in the bar, which, bull or no bull, is an all time record, and they formed a rooting section for the bull who for some time appeared to be winning. But just before what is usually referred to as consummation, Sheriff Orrick grabbed the jar of bar eggs and banged it off the bull’s nose, in the ensuing confusion managing to break free of the animal. The bull jerked his head up, and that’s when the eggs got caught in the fan blades. Sheriff Orrick was injured by hardboiled eggs flying out of the jar as he made for one of the saloon doors and was himself knocked half silly, which is not a long and tedious journey in itself.. The bull, once more on the attack, went for the teetering sheriff when a hardboiled ostrich egg came out of the international eggs of the world bar jar and polaxed the animal just as it got to the jukebox, dropping it spreadeagle on the saloon floor. The Norwegian national anthem, which is the only record on the Snooseville Saloon jukebox dropped to the turntable and finished him off on the fourth replay.. After receiving medical care consisting of a quart of beer and some body putty for the dents in his head, the sheriff arrested the bull and had the loggers help him drag it to the Peg’s Bottom jail, where it will remain for thirty days as punishment. And the bull’s owner, Clyde Foofaw, has been sentenced to clean out the cell twice a day. Harriet the holstein is back in the pasture at Orville Studebaker’s farm but now her milk is unsaleable to normal people because it tastes like lutefisk – which is no problem since sales in the Snooseville area have shot up five thousand percent, as a result. It is the first liquid other than beer that the Norwegian loggers have drank in living memory, and in honor of that accomplishment, Harriet has been renamed Fyoorda, after the Norwegian goddess of steep-sided saltwater inlets. *** |